So apparently we have nothing better to do with our weekends then playing bad video games and writing about them. is the first of many Game Turkeys to follow and we decided to start off with the much maligned Daikatana for the Nintendo 64. Three of us sat down to play the game and what followed was an hour and a half of anger, confusion, and lots of swearing as the the game wore on.  This is a game so ugly, so boring, and so poorly made it will make you treasure every good game in your video game collection all the more. Also we decided to record ourselves while we played it and you can listen to it here.

The game takes place in the year 2455 and opens with a very poorly rendered character practicing his swordsmanship by chopping stuff with a big ass sword. I say stuff because the game looks so ugly we couldn’t really tell if it was supposed to be anything other then pieces of wood. After your magic sword disappears into its scabbard some creepy old guy knocks on your door and tells you the story of the Daikatana. Apparently the Daikatana is some kind of ultimate mystical sword which allows you to travel through time. The main villain of the story, Kage Mishima, has stolen the Daikatana and traveled back in time to stop a disease from being cured causing a global pandemic in the current year the story takes place. After 8 minutes of choppy animation and pointless text we said screw it and hit the start button to get to the game. Now maybe we missed creepy old dude telling us something important but we highly doubt that as everything he did say would prove useless while actually playing the game. The game bgins with you unarmed but fear not somebody has luckily left a gun within 5 feet of where you spawned. So you pick up the gun, which happens to be an ion cannon, and put it to use right away as their are 2 ceiling mounted turrets in the next hallway. The rest of the game is pretty much tedium defined go to a room shoot some turrets, or guards, or a big robot then find the lever, button, or thing you have to blow up to gain entry to the next room where you get to repeat the process all over again. After about an hour and a half of playing we started to hate ourselves for playing the game so shut it down. We happened to notice the game also had multi-player which is great because after you’re done hating yourself you can invite up to 3 friends over to play and they can hate you too.

The people responsible for this joke of a game was a company called Ion Storm who were led by John Romero. Now if you don’t know who that is he’s practically a video game god and is the co-creator, along with John Carmack, of the entire FPS (First Person Shooter) genre. Together they made games such as Wolfenstein 3D, Doom, and Quake which are games any gamer would know. Anyways now Romero was on his own and decided to give us a new game that happened to include one of the most infamous marketing campaigns in all of gaming. The first advertisement for Daikatana actually made no mention of the game it was just text with the company’s logo and the text simply read “John Romero is about to make you his bitch.” Now anyone who has actually spent money on this game and played it probably did feel violated in some way, so in a sense the marketing did deliver as promised. So thank you Mr. Romero, you’ve gone from being  a gaming god to a one note joke by leaving gamers everywhere feeling hollow, and confused after playing this travesty of a game.



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